Happy Blog Birthday to Yes, I want cake! I cannot believe I’ve been at this gig for a year – I honestly love it MORE than when I started. In honor of this day (and all of my wonderful, loveable readers!!), I’d like to send you all a slice of birthday cake…
But since that is nearly impossible, I’m going to give you something else: a chance to win a $60 gift certificate to CSN stores.
As many of you know, CSNstores.com has a multitude of goodies. Everything from a bathroom sink to cookware, they really do have everything you could ever want. Perhaps a food processor? A griddle? A juicer? The possibilities are endless…
All you need to do to enter the giveaway is leave a comment telling me your favorite joke. I want to laugh, people.
I’ll randomly choose a winner when I return from my vacation in Mexico! Good luck!!
How fun! Let’s see… Well, recently I’ve been laughing at this line from Chelsea Lately:
I’m so afraid of being called racist, I don’t even say vinegar.
Happy One Year!
Let’s see, you’re a CO girl so you will be sure to get the reference. (I really hope this doesn’t offend anyone…I’m sorry in advance if it does.)
Thank God they found the balloon boy – I thought Michael Jackson was ordering takeout from heaven.
what kind of cheese doesn’t belong to anybody?……….
NACHO CHEESE.
say it out loud.
Happy blog birthday!
Haha, this joke is sooooo lame….ok:
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
What kind of pet stays on the ground?
A carpet!
I’ve obviously been spending too much time babysitting because I’m pretty sure I’m the only person over 8 that finds that funny but I think it’s hilarious!
Okay, I really am not good with jokes, but… somebody did just send me a really funny email that they got from a friend that included the line that read:
If you can’t set a good example for others then the least you can do is serve as a horrible warning.
HILARIOUS!
Here’s a funny one I got in an email recently…
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn’t they just throw out the pest.
“Oh I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod
My favorite joke: Q:What didn’t the Buddhist vacuum in the corners? A: Because he had no attachments!
My husband’s favorite joke: Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: Boobies!
Uh, I have to think of one first!
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
Because the can said “concentrate” on it.HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh God That was a good one. Here is one more.
What’s the most popular pick up line in Arkansas?
Nice tooth!
Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh I am funny!!! wooo.
If you need anymore,just let me know.I will be here all night.
A piece of rope walks a bar and orders a long island iced tea. The bar tender looks at him and says, “We don’t serve ropes here.” So the rope walks outside and thinks for a moment, messes up his hair, and crosses his arms. When he walks back in and orders his drink, the bar man says, “aren’t you that same rope from earlier?” and the rope replies, “No, I’m a frayed-knot.”
Happy birthday!
Cool giveaway!
A: Want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.
Lol. So stupid, it’s funny.
What about the old…
Is your refridgerator running?
LOLOL
q: what kind of bees make milk?
a: boo-BEES!!!!
Happy Blog Birthday!!!!!!
So nice of you to do a giveaway to celebrate!
Here’s a joke one of my 1st graders who had just moved here from England told me…
What do frogs eat with their chicken nuggets?
French flies!
Heidi Montag calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a minute…” “Thank you,” then Montag says, “K, thanks!” and hangs up.
Happy Birthday to your Blog!! I am so glad to have found your blog and I LOVE your idea for a giveaway entry!! And yes, I am also live here in CO!!
One of my Favorite Jokes:
A mushroom walks in to a bar and the bartender says we don’t serve your kind here.. and the mushroom says why not I’m a fun guy! (fungi)..
Bwahahahhaaa
Have fun in Mexico!!!
Okay, this is the lamest joke. But it’s the only one I’ve ever remembered that’s stuck for some reason. I’ve been telling it since I was like, 10!
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
Because she ran away from the ball!
Hilarious right? (not)
<3 Tori
I’m all about witty/punny/little kid jokes that most other people don’t laugh at, but I’ll give it a shot… When’s a door not a door? When it’s a jar, of course…
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. Get it? ATTIRE!
I’m a big “ponderings” fan, here are some of my favorites; enjoy!
Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
How can someone “draw a blank”?
Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”? … And on that note, why is the word “abbreviate” so long?
What is another word for “thesaurus”?
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
This joke may not make you laugh, but it’s near and dear to my heart because my daughter and I share it with each other often:
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
O-love you!!!
Why did the little cookie (biscuit) cry?
because his mother was a wafer so long.
I like super corny jokes – my dad is the king at telling them. One of my favorites:
What did the girl mushroom say about the boy mushroom after their first date?
“He’s a fun guy!”
Happy Birthday to your blog!
I am glad I have gotten yo meet you and your blog; I love it.
Happy birthday, blog!
What do you call two guys standing near a window?
Curt and Rod
Who’s yo’ daddy?
Craw-daddy (from the deep south
)
Happy blogiversary!
why was the mushroom invited to the party??
because he was a “Fun-gi” (fun guy) !!!
har har har!
Haha.. I saw this one on Julie’s blog today, and I couldn’t stop laughing!
“Will you marry me?” “Yes, but we cant-aloupe!”
Too cute!
Happy 1 year
I know this is bad but since I am a brunette here goes:
How do you keep a blonde at home?
Build a circular driveway.
Bahahaha….sorry blondes!
But YOU do have more fun! haha!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alaska!
Alaska who?
Alaska my friend the question then!
haha I just read this one.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?
– a last name -
I thought it was pretty funny
Happy birthday to your blog!
As a born blonde, I get to make fun of myself a bit:
How do you kill a blonde?
You put a scratch – n – sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool!
Did you hear? Paul the octopus had to retire. Pulled a mussel.
What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
OH SNAP!
It’s a long one:
Three men of the cloth—an Episcopalian, a Baptist and a Pentecostal—engaged in a friendly rivalry in most aspects of life went on a fishing trip together. In the boat, they turned to their most frequent debate: who had the greatest faith. The Baptist minister finally proclaimed: “I have the faith of Peter, so I’m going to walk on this water!” He stepped out of the boat, took several steps on the water and then stepped back into the boat. The Episcopalian priest’s jaw dropped a couple feet but the Pentecostal pastor promptly stood up and, proclaiming that he, too, had the faith of Peter, stepped out of the boat, took several strides and then returned to the boat. Completely uncertain of what he was about to do but not to be outdone, the Episcopalian stood up and with resolution said, “If you guys have the faith of Peter, so do I” and stepped out of the boat, immediately sinking under the water. Before he surfaced the Baptist minister asked the Pentecostal pastor, “Are you going to tell him about the rocks, or am I?”
Happy Blog birthday!!!!!
Looking forward to what you write next.
Happy Birthday to your blog!!
I would tell a funny, but I haven’t had my morning coffee yet, and it just isn’t coming. 
Here’s one my grandpa told me the other day… “A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, ‘We have an opening for people like you.’ ‘Oh, great,’ he said, ‘what is it?’ ‘It’s called the door!’ haha
What did the casket say to the other casket?
Is that you coffin?
I have a very BAD (as in lame!) joke. it will make you laugh because of its stupidty.
Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes?
A: No idea
Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no idea
Congrats on the anniversary! LOVE the blog!! have so much fun on vacation.
I love reading all of these jokes. This is the joke that my friend always tells since I’m of University of Oregon Duck:
A duck walks into a convenience store. “Got any grapes?” he asks the store owner. He says “no”, and the duck walks away.
A few hours later the duck walks back into the convenience store and askes the store owner, “Got any grapes?” Annoyed, the store owner says “no”, and the duck walks away.
A couple more hours later the duck walks back into the convenience store. “Got any grapes?” he asks the store owner. “NO I DON’T HAVE ANY GRAPES, AND IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME I WILL NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!” He yells. The duck walks out of the store.
The next day the duck walks in the store “Got any nails?” He asks the store owner. “Nope” says the store owner. The duck responds “Got any grapes?”
hehehe always makes me laugh.
…and the winner is…
why was six afraid of seven?
because seven ate nine!
HAH!
My favorite joke is one that my coworkers in Bangalore, India used to always tell me.
“Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.”
LOL LOL. Seriously, that’s the joke. Cracks me up every time because it’s so ridiculous. And because they would die laughing when telling it…and their accents made it even better.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take me awhile to get hard I just got laid.
Happy blog anniversary!
I don’t know that I have a favorite, but this one’s pretty good:
A Doberman, a bulldog, and a chihuahua were all vying for the attention of a cute little poodle. The poodle told her suitors, “I will go out with whichever one of you comes up with most most creative sentence using the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’.”
The Doberman said, “That’s easy! I like liver and cheese.”
The bulldog said, “I can do better than that: ‘I make a great liver and cheese sandwich.’”
The chihuahua said, “Hey guys, ‘liver’ alone, ‘cheese’ mine…”
This one was made up by a 4 year old…seriously…be impressed.
Why did the lollipop cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken!
I still laugh every time I tell it!!
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
Teehee. I’m the lamest person ever, but I love jokes like that.
How do you get an elephant on the subway? Take the “s” out of sub and the “f” out of way…
There is no f in way!… (say it out loud)
Did you hear? Paul the octopus had to retire. Pulled a mussel
Two nuns walked into a bar;
The third one ducked.
or
Why do they call nuns nuns?
Because they don’t get “nun”.
What’s with me and all these nun jokes……?
Enjoy Mexico!!!(I’m envying you right about now…)
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said “yes”. The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…” After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to the marriage proposal. “Oh”, she said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was.”
This is kind of bad but I saw it in Bicentennial Man. “A woman went to the doctor and the doctor asked ‘May I numb your breasts?’ The woman replied ‘Yes’……Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom”
What happens when you mix-up your valium with your birth control pills? You have 12 kids but you don’t care!
Congrats on the blogiversary!
Here is a good old-fashioned Norwegian Ole and Lena joke!
Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, “What happened to your ears?” Ole says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.” The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?” Ole says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!”
I have lots more but some of them aren’t too tasteful!
a few mitch hedberg favorites…
“I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semicircle.”
“I called the hotel operator and she said, “How can I direct your call?” I said, “Well, you could say ‘Action!’, and I’ll begin to dial. And when I say ‘Goodbye’, then you can yell ‘Cut!’” ”
“My manager said, “Don’t use liquor as a crutch!” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. ”
“Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they’re really doing is saying, “I can’t knit, get this away from me!” ”
“I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill. ”
I could keep going for a while, but I’ll stop. They’re crazy funny if you haven’t ever heard him. His tone of voice makes it.
Happy blog birthday!
Happy Birthday!
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this”. She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed And her husband says “The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?”
The blonde says, “I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how THEY like it!
A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door
“Is your Dad home?”
“No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”
“Well, is your Mother here?”
“No sir, she went to town with Dad.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”
“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”‘
The boy thought for a moment. “You would have to talk to Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog,
but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
Just wondering who won? Thanks!