Have I ever told you guys about the day I found out that Adrienne was a girl?
I probably haven’t because it’s supremely embarrassing.
I cried.
Not like eyes filling up and brimming over with happiness, I was downright sobbing. My whole life I thought I was going to have little boys, and little boys only. I grew up with brothers and didn’t even consider what it would it would be like to raise a girl.
I was going to have boys.
Then I found out (on Christmas Day) that my little baby was a girl and lost my marbles. All of them. I called my mama on the phone and wailed to her for hours, telling her that I didn’t want a GIRL!!
She was so gosh darn patient with me. Looking back now, I am overwhelmed with shame over my reaction. I left my in-laws house (where we were having Christmas) and laid in bed (alone) crying, complaining to my mom.
She listened and listened and listened and then said…
God knows best. This little girl is going to be a HUGE blessing to you. Just like you are to me. You’ll see.
Um…blessing beyond blessing. Just thinking about not having this little girl in my life is painful. Of course my mama was right. Of course she was.
But what she didn’t know is that having my own little girl has brought so much healing since she passed away.
Being able to create that mother-daughter bond with my own little one has been an amazing, joyful journey.
Baking cookies is just one of the things my mama and I used to do together – and not that you can’t bake cookies with a son, or course you can – but for me, the magnificence of having a daughter to pass those memories down to has been vital to my heart during the last few months.
Crucial, necessary, and life-giving. My soul depends on it. I finally feel like I’m starting (just barely starting) to heal. The load feels lighter. The grief isn’t so raw.
Thank you God for Adrienne Bren. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Click HERE for cookie recipe.
What a touching story :’)
I recently came upon a recipe for a green smothie (remember your green monsters!) that i thought you might like to try if you’re still drinking them.
http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2012/08/s-tofu-triangle-bites-citrus-green.html
This was a beautiful post. I love the bond that girls have with their mama’s. And I’m also so glad that you had such a great one with yours. I know how missed she is – hugs!
Such a sweet post Katie. God is so good and knows exactly what we need!
annnd now i’m crying and i haven’t even left for work yet and i need to fix my mascara.
Katie this post was beautiful! You are a really fantastic writer.
In a less beautiful sentiment, I’ll admit that I really don’t want little boys! Whenever my husband and I are together the toddlers we see being crazy are always little boys and I always lean over and whisper “If you put one of those inside of me I’ll kill you!”
Aaaaaand now we’re all crying!
That really was sweet and beautiful.
Hey Katie! I’ve been reading your blog for several months now but this is my first time commenting. Adrienne is absolutely adorable and I’m so glad you’re starting to feel better! Looking forward to reading more
I get new post notification from you by email so this was one of the first things I read today. What a beautiful post and an amazing reminder to try not to take anything for granted. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
<3
What a sweet, sweet post. God is good and knew what you needed even when you didn’t.
words cannot even describe how much i love this post. omg. it’s probably my most favorite post you’ve ever written. and as a weird side note, i’ve often thought about what i’d do if something happened to my mom (because i’m a morbid mess) and i always thought that the only way i could handle it is if i was a mom myself. i’m so glad you’ve discovered that.
As someone who also recently lost a parent (I have a one year old too), I completely second the sentiments of this post. Beautiful!
Side note: Where did you find the adorable apron?!?! I HAVE to get one for my daughter. HAVE to.
So sweet and touching. You have an absolutely amazing little girl who I’m sure cherishes every moment you get to spend with her.
I always love reading your stories Katie. You know Adrienne was brought her to help you heal. I’m glad to hear things are getting a little easier for you.
Baking with my little ones melts my heart as well. Where did you get that adorable apron? As you know my little girl is just a couple of months older than Adrienne and I think she would love one!
My mom got it for Adrienne…wish I knew where she got!
It’s from a cute little store in Amarillo! I think Peppermint Garden…
Yay! Thank you, Ali!
You move me, dear. I’m so happy that your sweet daughter brings you such joy and healing. <3
Such a sweet and moving post. My heart swelled when I thought of all the lovely memories of sitting on countertops, baking cookies with chocolated smeared on her face, that sweet Baby A with have of YOU, just like you have those of your mama.
You’re so lucky to have your sweet baby girl (even if you didn’t realize it back on Christmas Day), just like she is so lucky to have such a loving and caring mama in you. You two really were made for each other and I love popping by the blog every day to share in your memories together.
this is such a sweet post and brought tears to my eyes! Don’t mom’s always know best!
Such a lovely post! It brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad you’re able to already have that bond with your daughter. I’m sure it doesn’t compare to anything else! I love all of the photos of her – she is quite the cutie!
At this point, I don’t even care about the cookie recipe- just seeing those pictures of A is enough to get my sweetness fix for the week!! Ahhh I just love her. Can’t wait to be back out in Colorado SOON (hopefully)!!
PS- Please bring her to Blend next year. She can be the mascot.
Aw, Katie! You brought tears to my eyes and shivers down my legs! Ugh, I want to hug you right now!
So glad I stumbled across this post … so beautiful and I can totally relate. I too thought I knew what I needed (a girl), but ended up with two little boys that bring so much laughter and joy into my life. I too lost my mom when my oldest was just 1. It’s so hard to be a mother without a mother, but I find baking and doing things that I used to do with my mom with my kids draws us all closer. Your cookies look great!
My mom was also really disappointed that I was a girl since she too wanted only boys. Now she is extremely happy she had a girl, but I wonder how many women react that way to having girls…I’d guess it’s pretty common, despite the stereotype that women always want girls.
P.S. Your daughter is possibly the cutest and prettiest baby ever.
I’m so sorry for your loss. But your mother will always live on inside you and all that you pass down to your precious little girl.
Such a beautiful post. And such a beautiful daughter to bring such happiness to your life. As always, thank you for sharing your stories.
You are darn right and darn awesome.
oh dear i’m crying like a baby now!
when we found out that Wes was a boy i was slightly disappointed…i thought we were going to have girls. i KNOW girls. but your mama was right in that God knows best, and i just don’t know what i would do without my little man. he is precious beyond words!
you are such a fantastic mother to A sweet friend!
such a beautifully written post!
Tears. Flowing down my face. Thanks, Kate. I’m so glad Adrienne Bren is here to help ease the pain, even if it’s just a little bit. Love you both!
Such a touching post. My emotions are already raw as I get ready to walk my daughter to kindergarten on her first day of school. This didn’t help to keep my tears in check. I’m so glad your sweet girl has helped you start to heal. Big hugs!
Your post brought tears to my eyes! I had the same reaction when I found out I was having a girl: my husband was one of 3 boys, I already had 2 boys, and I just didn’t ever think I was going to have a girl. And boy, I was sure it was going to be payback for what I put my parents through. Frankly, I wasn’t even sure how to change a girl’s diaper! But I could not imagine what my life would have been like without raising a girl – and I’m rewarded today with a lovely young woman who I dare say actually learned a thing or two from me. Enjoy that little sweetness every day – and as she grows up and isn’t always so sweet, know that she’ll work through that phase and always be your baby girl.
This is such a sweet post. I’ve always been afraid for what would happen if I have a girl, but mostly because I was an awful teenager, and I just know she would be my payback.
Adrienne is just so precious, and I’m so glad she’s has helped you heal after losing your mom.
My mom always tells the story about how she cried when a friend gave her a dress for me after I was born! She didn’t know what she was going to do with a girl…but she definitely figured it out!
Thanks for sharing….MY beautiful daughter sent it to me. I thank God every day for her and what we share every day – especially now that she is a mother herself…She has helped me through many a tough trial.
Such a beautiful post and tribute to your mom and your baby girl. Haven’t been able to get enough of your blog since Blend and this has truly been the best post yet.
I want boys when we starting making babies. Two of them. I want them to wrestle on the floor and I want to cheer them on at football games and Little League (I know, so stereotypical), but then I think about how much joy my mom and I have had over the years; making paper dolls from magazines, figuring out my easy bake oven, throwing it away and making “real” cookies, and spending 5 hours in Target and buying nothing but popcorn from the cafe. Thank you for the reminder that children are a blessing no matter what and God always takes care of us even when we don’t understand His plan yet.
So sweet! And that apron! This post is inspiring me to call my mom at 3:30 today and see how her first couple of days of school have gone. Adrienne is very lucky to have you!
I had exactly the same reaction when I knew for my girl. Except that I have 3 sisters !!! …
Today, she makes my life ! I thank her to be here.
your cookies look WONDERFUL. But please, would you tell me how you do to make them fly-uffly like that ? Mines are always fat …
Maybe add a little bit more flour. Do you live at altitude?
No, I live close to the sea. I’m going to try the flour…
The cookie’s mystery ……..
Incredible story. Incredible little girl. And of course, incredible cookies. This made my day, I hope someone makes yours, too
)
This is seriously the sweetest thing in the entire world and my face looks pretty much insane now.
<3
Love you Katie! Such a sweet post! I miss your momma too, but I am so happy that you have Adrienne to bring you joy each day. Hugs and kisses from far awayyyyyy
see, that’s what i think. I grew up with all boys. I don’t want girls. Unless they are like adrienne of course. Your mother was so right. What a beautiful heart she had. sending you lots of love and good memories.
I’m a ball of emotions today any way, but this post literally brought tears to my eyes. You have a way with words Katie. An your sweet little girl really is a blessing
Beautiful post, Katie. And Adrienne looks too cute in her little apron. This was def the best post I’ve read all week
crying. i love you both so much.
Such a gorgeous post. Thank you. Blessings to you and your little angel.
What a precious and honest post! Your daughter is so blessed to have you as her momma. And she is one gorgeous baby.
such a sweet post. i have a girl i was sure was going to be a boy too. the most amazing thing that has ever happened is that little peanut!
i have tears in my eyes reading about your mom’s reaction to your ‘terrible’ news. her response was right on. mom’s have a way of being right.
wanted to tell you i tried the flour and water play time with skylar, my 18mo old. it was so fun!! we had it everywhere!
I love this story. And baking with my mom is one of my absolute favorites. You’ve inspired me to go over, and convince her that we seriously need cookies in our lives. Immediately.
I came across your blog a few months ago and have been greedily reading through your archives. When I read about your mom, I was brought to tears. It’s probably weird, but I feel like you’re a friend! (That’s weird, isn’t it?) But, I’ve met your family, saw your amazing journey through pregnancy, have watched your beautiful little girl grow each day, felt your grief. This post has done it again. I’m in tears. I can’t imagine what I would do without my mom, but I have a little boy (just a month younger than Adrienne) that gives me hope, faith and unconditional love each day. I’m inspired by the relationship you had with your mom and inspired by the love and patience you have for your daughter. So happy for you that she has brought some peace in this difficult time.
You just about have me in tears! Beautiful post with gorgeous pictures. I love the apron and the one of her looking suspicious taking a chocolate chip. The cookies don’t look so bad either.
Wowwwwwww.. such a great post. I am so happy you have little A to help you cope with your mom’s passing. I know MY mom had the same comfort–my oldest sister was just 6 months when my mom’s mom died–so I am sure it makes a big difference to have a little lady around! It also doesn’t hurt that she’s so darn cute. Love you, friend.
beautiful post, Katie. you were blessed with Adrienne for that very reason. So happy you shared this with us. I know to never take any moments with my own mom for granted. much love to you
What a beautiful post- I’m tearing up reading this at my computer at work…I guess I’ll just have to blame hormones if anyone notices.
Your little girl IS such a blessing- even for an internet stranger (in the least creepy way possible) whose day she brightens every time I see those little cheeks! I’m so glad that she’s there to aid in your healing.
This made me a little teary…so beautiful…and YOU are a blessing to her too, Katie!!
Magnificent post. Gave me chills. Love the photos of her on the new stool with that apron. Goodness! Baby A is one lucky lady.
This made me a little misty! I love what your mom said about having a little girl. A mother daughter relationship is just the best.
A’s little apron is SO SO ADORABLE! Agh! It’s too much!
LOVE this post! Isn’t it just amazing how God knows just what we need…even when we can’t see it at the moment. We whine and complain…and then a few months down the road something happens, and it all makes sense. Thanks for the reminder, and I’m also thankful for God blessing you with your little girl.
What a sweet and loving post!! You should save this and share it with your girl when she’s older. The mother-daughter bond is something so special and unique. I can understand because my mother is my best friend. It takes a lot of strength and courage to heal from a loss like you experienced. I’m so sorry you had to go through this–especially at such a young age. It breaks my heart. I am glad though that your daughter can provide healing and comfort.
Oh, my heart.
You know I love girls.
And I love you.
Your mom was totally right.
girls are such a blessing!
i was blessed with 2 beautiful twin girls!! 
thx for sharing!
ur blog was very sweet and touching!
SUCH a beautiful post! God really does know best.
Such a lovely post! The universe works in mysterious ways!
i got chills reading this. She is such a little sweetheart!! I am so happy that you have this blog that you can show to her when she gets old enough to understand and read it!
I read this post while sitting on my bed, glancing down at my sleeping miracle in her bassinett, which is next to my end table holding a picture of my daddy who passed away 25 years ago. I am sobbing. Your writing is beautiful, and the way your family LOVES is beautiful. You have an amazing mama, and you are an amazing mama. Such blessings. <3
I have tears streaming down my face. I love you! Oh how I wish I could hug your sweet self! Adrienne is so blessed to have you as a mommy!
I don’t even know you but the tears are streaming down my face. Beautiful post and beautiful girl!
Great post as always, Katie. And beautiful pics. Your mamma is so proud of you and the mother you’ve become.
Thanks for sharing such raw and honest emotion with us. Your love for your daughter is so obvious in your posts!
Also her teeny-tiny apron is ADORABLE!!!
Oh….She is a blessing! You will continue to make memories with her as you recall the memories you made with your mama!
This post made me cry.
The relationship you had with your mom was so special. Just as the relationship Baby A has with you is so special. God knew what He was doing.
Awww, what a wonderful post! Your mom was a wise woman!
I too was disappointed when I found out I was having a girl. (That lasted all of about 30 min. until I made my way from the doc’s office to the nearest mall & stocked up on all the awesome girl clothes I could find!) My daughter is now 12 (& an only child), but I’ve often said (& meant it!) that I would have 10 more girls & never look back! Girls rock! 
I made your cookies yesterday with my brother (we’re 19 and 22) and they were absolutely delicious! We don’t spend a lot of time together, and when we do it’s either watching TV or my helping him out with his learning how to bake.
loved, loved, loved those cookies. they were perfect. and your daughter is absolutely adorable in that apron!
i loved your story. My mother and I share the exact same relationship.
every time I read your blog my heart hurts for you. my mom is so dear to me and I have always worried what I will do when I lose her. but you are right, you are very lucky! enjoy your little girl and let your heart keep healing!
Oh Katie- my heart goes out to you. God gave you an amazing little girl for a reason. He knew that bond would be special. If you ever need your fill of boys we can come over. Just kidding. Seriously, praying for you to heal more and more every day.
I felt the same way, but opposite. I thought I’d only have girls and ended up having two boys. My sister felt the same way and had two boys, too! We now see that it was perfect for us both and wouldn’t have been great girl moms.
Moms are good like that…just always right. Love you friend.
Oh this is beautiful. I am so happy that you have Adrienne Bren. I feel like life has left a hole right smack in my middle of your heart and knowing that sweet little Baby A is making that hole not so deep fills me with so much happiness for you.
Katie,
Although I do not know you, we’ve never met, I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts, uplifting words, and your soul on this beautiful blog. I am encouraged by your words and your recipes! Not to mention the pictures of your beautiful daughter. Thanks for your honesty. I look forward to making cookies with my daughter some day too, hopefully I will have one! No kids yet for me, but your stories and pictures make me excited for the day we decide to begin our family. Blessings and hugs to you, thank you for what you do.
Best,
Kelly
Oh Katie.. if I was nearby, i’d come over and give you a great big hug.
Such a sweet post! Love it.
What a touching post. Little girls (and big girls) and their mama’s share such a special bond. Thanks for telling us a little bit about yours.
what a sweet post. I thought I was going to have boys too. I always pictured being the mama to two sons and I was really surprised when I found out I was having a girl. Now that Grace is here, I cannot imagine anything else and I am SO glad I got the child that I did. I am excited to bake with her and do all the things my mom did with me!
well katie, youve certainly outdone yourself.
i showed these adorable pics to my whole family since i was home this weekend (my mom knows you as the blogger im obsessed with who has the cute baby) and we all melted. standard adrienne responses im sure.
ps i think its HILARIOUS that you were so anti girl. i have only had sisters and female cousins so i have no CLUE what to do with a boy. ha.
Okay, I can really relate to this one. Its embarrassing to say but I thought for sure we were having a girl and when they said boy at the ultrasound I had to hold back the tears with a big lump in my throat. I cried by myself for two days. Although I never Told my husband why I was crying he knew. how could he not. But now I’m so excited! I lost my Dad in a car accident a few years back and feel this will be very special for me. Thanks for being so honest! Your girl is so precious!
this is so precious
Dear Katie,
God’s ways are always best!
Even tho’ we may not see
His plans far surpass
All that we hope or dream
Love, Pam
)
(ps…we are still waiting for His plans
just catching up on your blog now, and I must leave a comment because this post is so touching <3 love love love.
My heart is filled with so much love for you and what a beautiful gift, a baby girl.