Have I ever told you guys about the day I found out that Adrienne was a girl?
I probably haven’t because it’s supremely embarrassing.
Not like eyes filling up and brimming over with happiness, I was downright sobbing. My whole life I thought I was going to have little boys, and little boys only. I grew up with brothers and didn’t even consider what it would it would be like to raise a girl.
I was going to have boys.
Then I found out (on Christmas Day) that my little baby was a girl and lost my marbles. All of them. I called my mama on the phone and wailed to her for hours, telling her that I didn’t want a GIRL!!
She was so gosh darn patient with me. Looking back now, I am overwhelmed with shame over my reaction. I left my in-laws house (where we were having Christmas) and laid in bed (alone) crying, complaining to my mom.
She listened and listened and listened and then said…
God knows best. This little girl is going to be a HUGE blessing to you. Just like you are to me. You’ll see.
Um…blessing beyond blessing. Just thinking about not having this little girl in my life is painful. Of course my mama was right. Of course she was.
But what she didn’t know is that having my own little girl has brought so much healing since she passed away.
Being able to create that mother-daughter bond with my own little one has been an amazing, joyful journey.
Baking cookies is just one of the things my mama and I used to do together – and not that you can’t bake cookies with a son, or course you can – but for me, the magnificence of having a daughter to pass those memories down to has been vital to my heart during the last few months.
Crucial, necessary, and life-giving. My soul depends on it. I finally feel like I’m starting (just barely starting) to heal. The load feels lighter. The grief isn’t so raw.
Thank you God for Adrienne Bren. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Click HERE for cookie recipe.