This photo is hanging in my kitchen. I smile/cry every time I look at it for more than three seconds.
You know how you have those defining life events that, after they occur, divide your life into two categories?
Before College. After College.
Before I was married. After I was married.
Before I had kids. After I had kids.
This one seems to be one of those moments. Before my mom’s birthday. After my mom’s birthday. Last year at this time, I would never (could never) have imagined the heartache that would follow in the coming months. Yes, my mom was battling cancer, but she was doing well. Up and about. Smiling. Herself. Life was good.
But after her birthday, things went downhill at an impossibly fast speed. Even now, it just seems impossible. This last year (following her birthday) has been one full of heartache. Not just in my mama’s death, but that was (is) certainly the source of sharpest pain.
I want to tell you, though, that amidst the pain…there have been blessings. I want to tell you that I have leaned into the Lord and trusted Him in ways I didn’t know I could. I want to tell you that God has, and continues to mold my broken heart into something stronger, something for His glory. I want to tell you that I am a completely different person than I was a year ago today. More full of compassion. Less prideful. More trusting. Less stressed. I want to tell you that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. I want to tell you that those words have been ringing true in my heart for three hundred and sixty-five days.I want to tell you how grateful I am to YOU for following me throughout the last year. For sending virtual hugs and real words of encouragement. For your prayers. I want to tell you that I appreciate this community more than you know.
But really, I just want to tell you that I really miss my mama. I wish I could give her a hug today.
Happy birthday, Mama. I bet the birthday cake up there is amazing.
The photograph is beautiful.
Girl, this was so beautiful! I don’t even know what else to say… Other than I know your mama is looking down at you and is SO unbelievably proud at the mama you have become. And your using this heartache to strengthen yourself and your faith is admirable and an inspiration to us all!!
What a beautiful picture. Happy birthday to your wonderful mother. You are a very inspiring person. Thank you for sharing this post.
<3 Happy Birthday to your Momma- I know she is happily enjoying making a cake and a mess in a kitchen.. And I can almost bet my puppy Hydro is at her feet licking it up
Your an amazing lady and you inspire me to be just as awesome!
Happy birthday mama! Yes, you grew (are growing) through this time. YOu have God’s strength and your mother’s heart. That is precious.
Love you!
Happy Birthday to your mama. You are such a strong person Katie. I wish I had a tenth of your strength. I don’t doubt that you’ve had bad days but you have coped so well. You selfless attitude and your complete unwavering trust in God is humbling and awe inspiring. I bet, no I know, your mama is proud of the little girl she raised.
This made me tear up. I’m sure the cake up there is delicious and that your mom is very proud of the daughter she raised.
I’m an avid reader but rarely a commenter but today I have to comment.
This is a remarkably beautiful post that had me in tears. Happy birthday to your Mom. ❤
Beautiful. Happy Birthday to your mama. Today (and every day) you must celebrate the beautiful memories that you made together.
Beautiful picture! You look so much like her. Hugs <3
weeping. i love you.
Just beautiful! I remember commenting after your mom passed, letting you know that even after two weeks of reading your blogs, I knew that your mom must have been an amazing mother/teacher. YOU are the mom to your daughter that your mom was to you. It must feel really really good. And when I saw this picture in your post, compassion and understanding just radiate from your mom… do you remember this moment? Would love to know the story behind this beautiful moment and who was smart enough to know it was one that needed to be captured on film. How precious for you know. Let’s all make sure our kids have photos like this one to hold onto after we pass. Always thinking about you. Take care Katie.
What a lovely photo… and post. Hugs to you, Katie. <3
what a beautiful photo. hugs and kisses to you today my dear. have a slice of cake with her. she’ll be there!
You are an amazing person….this really really touched me this morning. I wish you only the best and lots of healing through your daughter and your cooking.
Truly beautiful Katie! I know she’s hugging you always. Xoxoxo
Yes, beautiful. Your mama would be so proud that you didn’t let the grief take over, but you evolved and learned from it. Also, the way you talk about your faith and the Lord sounds so beautiful. I’m not a religious person, but after reading all your posts it has gotten me thinking about my faith and religion.
Happy birthday to your mama! She’s smiling proudly
Sweet, sweet Katie. Love you tons. xo
Katie,
We have never met, but Sara Joy Fredrick is a mutual friend of ours. I went to school with her at Creighton University and we lived together for our last two years in Omaha. She sent me your blog about a year or so ago, and I have followed it ever since. I tell all my friends, my sisters and my mom about you as though I totally know you, I have tried so many of your recipes and you have been an inspiration to so many ideas I have tried with my now 9mth old daughter. I honestly think I think about you pretty much every day. I cried today when reading this post… you obviously have an awesome mother up in heaven… she has instilled in you an amazing energy for life and motherhood. I feel your positive energy with every post I read and I want you to know that! You are never alone! Maybe some time we will be able to meet in person! You are in my thoughts and prayers on this special day for you, your mother and your own daughter!
~Ellie
There aren’t words for situations like these, but that picture is gorgeous, and happy birthday to your wonderful mama.
Tears in my eyes. Blessings and comfort to you today, Katie. She is watching over you and one day we will all be there together!
thank you for sharing this. This brought tears to my eyes.
Happiest birthday to your mama, Katie! She is sooooo loved and missed. Many prayers and blessing to your whole beautiful family! Love you guys
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I’ll be praying for you today as you celebrate your mom’s birthday.
Ah this brought tears to my eyes. Such a beautiful post. I love that verse you quoted at the end too. Happy Happy Birthday to your Mama. She is celebrating in heaven right now!
Oh lady. Sending you hugs and sparkles via the internet.
Missing your mom and crying with all of you today. She was/is so proud of her kids. You all are amazing. Love you tons!
That photo is the sweetest, and this post is the sweetest. Happy Birthday to your dear mama. I strongly suspect that you are SO much like her, and that she is so very proud of you.
I cannot imagine how heavy this loss must weigh on your heart, but I hope your heart is getting lighter day by day. <3
That is a beautiful photograph. Katie, you have been so strong and generous with yourself. Thanks for being here to share and make others happy, in spite of the pain you’ve suffered. You’re really inspiring!
This is beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. I greatly admire your blunt honesty and candid posts about your grief process. On that day you posted about your sweet mama’s passing I think it is safe to say a hundred hearts broke right along with yours. It brought memories of my own grief back to the surface and gave me the chance to re-visit it from a different perspective. So thank you for that, for reminding me that grief is a slow process that you never completely heal from. A heart will repair itself but it will never look the same as it did before it was shattered. That doesn’t mean it”s ugly or worse, it’s just different.
Every day I am awed by by this vast blogging community and all the things there are to learn from each other. Sending endless virtual hugs your way.
Beautifully written. Hugs.
You are so very blessed and such a blessing to others! You always hope when you see someone else’s heartache that they will learn and grow from it. When you see them spiral you pray for them over and over. When you see them raise up you see hope for yourself and for others. YOU are an inspiration. Lots of hugs and prayers your way today! Your Mama is so proud of you, this I know!
Katie,
My heart aches for you and I know I have shared that with you before…the loss of a mother is one of the toughest trials. But I also know that you are strong in faith and that with the support of family and friends will see you through tough times. You will always miss her but continue to celebrate her life and the deep love you both shared. Hugs!
I just love you and your sweet heart. It has been a blessing to me, as a mom and daughter, to be praying over you this past year. And I love more than anything how you’re allowing God to work on your heart through all of this. It’s a constant testament to His power and your humility!
Such a sweet post to match the sweet picture. I’m sure your mama is very proud of you.
She’s up w/ my mom & my mom can throw one helluva party so I’m sure they’re having one right now.
Beautiful post and I know your mom was and is still so proud of you. The lessons we learn from suffering and heartache are so true and real…it just stinks that you have to learn those things the hard way
Katie, as always, you have such a way with words. I’ve been reading your blog for a long while now and the change that has come from you has been great. It was difficult to get to that point, but you handle it with such grace. Your mom would be (is!) so proud of you.
And I bet that cake is AMAZING.
I am sending lots of virtual hugs your way <3. I'm sure your mama is enjoying plenty of cake and ice cream up there, and smiling down on you.
I’m moved to tears with that photo.
Though we’ve never met in real life, I can tell that your mama shaped you into an incredible woman. Happy birthday to your mama. I’ll send prayers your way today.
He makes everything beautiful in His own time. Happy birthday to your mama… I know she’s eating the most delicious cake and partying with Jesus. What could be better? My thoughts and prayers are with you today, it never stops hurting but hopefully it will get easier to handle.
I’m sorry about your mom. Thinking about this happening in my own life terrifies me, although it is inevitable. She is with you, whether she is “here” or not. Happy birthday to her.
I don’t blog. I read yours though. Wanted to tell you that picture is the most beautiful picture I have ever seen. I can the live in your moms eyes for you. You should have some paint it.
Xo
Jodi
“suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”
You are my hero. I don’t exaggerate or take that lightly. I pray I’m able to have your grace when I face suffering in my life. Your mother is so very, very proud. I can’t wait to meet her someday, Lord willing. And we will all eat cake.
I am crying. This is so beautiful and I bet your mama is looking down at you smiling. I am so encouraged at how you are glorifying the Lord, even in your suffering and finding new strength each day. So beautiful- you are making your mom proud.
Praying for you and your family today!
Hi Katie! I am tearing up too. Much love and sweet prayers to each of you… yes, I want (birthday) cake!!!
xoxoxoxoox
Just love this post. And you. And your momma.
Beautiful! I look up to you so much for your strength. I am praying for you sweet friend. I pray that God pours out his blessings on you and surrounds you with peace and love today.
Happy birthday to your mom and much love to you, girl!
This post was absolutely beautiful Katie. Sending my thoughts and prayers of strength straight to your healing heart. Love you.
beautiful picture….I’m saying prayers for you (and your family) during this especially difficult time, Katie…it’s amazing the healing power God has….
I love that picture : ) I am sure that she is proud of all that you have become.
Moms are just so special.
That pic is so sweet.
Thanks for sharing. Happy birthday to your mom.
What a lovely daughter she has!
That is an extremely touching picture. The love your Mama has for you just radiates out of her in that picture. Look at the way she is looking at you….even from a side view, your Mama is just absolutely adoring you. Thank you for sharing pieces of your story and you are amazing. Your grace during such a difficult time is inspiring.
What a beautiful picture of you and your mother. Thank you, as always, for sharing your heart with us. Happy, happy birthday to your lovely mama.
so beautiful. Gave me chills
Very touched by this post, Katie…thanks for sharing. I don’t have words for you but am amazed at your strength, the beauty of your mom (which I see in you!) and how it is so clearly Jesus that is shining through you and has been with you during this time. Love you.
Beautiful post, beautiful picture. The picture looks like your mom is trying to cheer you up then and now as a reminder everyday to keep your chin up.
Happy Birthday to your mom and A’s grandma
xoxo
Reading this just makes me appreciate my own mother. I live with her an she just turned 87 this month.
This is so touching. It made me think of my mom an I. I loved reading this post!
So beautiful. This photo. You relationship with your mom and your strength to carry on.
What a great picture! Happy (belated) birthday to your momma! I know I’m a day behind but for my moms birthday we send her a balloon. We write on it to her – love notes, things we are thinking, stuff we think shed love (DVR definitely dvrs – I’d feel bad for Tom Brady if she could rewind and resee his plays… She yelled at him enough without that!) anyway something about that is very healing
What a beautiful picture. Thinking of you.
I’m a day late, but I’m sending so many hugs your way. I remember reading that entry last year, and I even made your brother’s black beans after you posted the recipe
It’s so magical to be able to find something positive out of something so earth shattering. It takes a strong, wonderful person, which you are! <3 <3
Hello,
I just wanted to say that your quote “I want to tell you that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,” brought tears to my eyes. I lost my mother three years ago when I was 19. Your post is beautiful.
Thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mama to cancer when I was 20, almost 5 years ago. You summed up my pain and heartbreak perfectly. And being 5 years into this journey of grief, I can only affirm you that God is going to keep on making beautiful things from your pain. God is going to continue to mold your heart into something more beautiful through this all. I don’t recognize the girl I was before my mom died. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. Hugs to you!
Beautiful picture- and even more beautiful words. Your mama would be proud of how strong you have been since she’s been gone- it’s simply amazing. Big hugs and kisses to you, my friend.
You amaze me in your faith and love. I can’t begin to imagine what your road’s been like, but I’m convinced you’re navigating it in a way that anyone could (and should) be proud of.
Go you.
Wow, I think this is the most beautiful, touching post I’ve read on any blog EVER! The whole way thru I was all “Aww…” & nodding my head smiling in agreement, then that next to last sentence made me audibly suck in my breath & my eyes filled w/ tears. Here’s a big virtual hug coming your way. So glad you’ve turned to God to ease your pain & not away from Him in your grief. I’m sure your mom looks down on you & your family every day & beams w/ pride. Take care!
awww girl… I just love you.
You are such an inspiration.
Your an amazing woman, mother, daughter and friend. I can’t imagine going through what you have, but I promise you..one day, you will be greatly rewarded and get to hug your mama all you want to!!
God bless you.
Katie, you are such a sweet, bright & loving person and it’s so evident that you take after your beautiful Mama. I’ve had some challenging times these past 2 years, though not comparable to yours.. You’ve inspired me to stay strong and follow the path God has given me. Sending love your way. Happy Birthday to your Mom<3
These words are beautiful. I am moved by your faith after something like that.
these are beautiful words, thank you for sharing.
you have such a good heart katie!
& always remeber that she lives in you
Love and joy being sent your way, my friend. I have an ear always waiting to listen for you.
Tell your mom that I said Happy late birthday:). I hope she has a good day!