On this day last year, my mama died.
I’ll tell ya what. There are moments when it’s really hard to be a mama without a mama of your own to guide you.
It’s not as if I don’t have a handful of wonderful women who have stepped up and been right by my side, loving me, encouraging me, mothering me throughout this last year. I am so grateful to say that I do have these women in my life.
But there are days when you just want to call your mama, you know? Just want to know the advice that she would give. Just want to cry to her. Just want to laugh with her. Just want to share things with her.
Rightly so, mother’s day is magnifying my handful of mixed emotions. This year I’ll admit I’m feeling a little more weepy than I’d like to. A little more wounded than I expected. But I’m hoping and praying that in years to come, I can wake up on Mother’s Day without wanting to cry so much. Without feeling so heavy.
But even through the pain, I can say I am wondrously grateful to my mom for all that she gave to me. All she taught me. The extent to which she loved me. I can never tell her what it means to me that she was the absolute perfect example of a mother. Something I strive to be for Adrienne. But that’s okay…I think she knows. And I know she knows how much I loved her. When I think about what a gift that is, and what a gift it is for me to be a mama myself, I am able to smile and tell you all…Happy Mother’s Day. Please go tell your own mama that you love her, and hug her for me if you can.